Why is it that the runs on ski resort trail maps are always printed upside down? It is as though you are going to select a ski run from the parking lot instead of the top of the mountain.

Why is it that no matter how much you pay for your hotel, motel, lodge, or condominium or how far in advance you make your reservations, you always end up in a deluxe room with a view of the dumpsters?

Why is it that after standing in line for ten minutes to buy your ski lift ticket, you discover that the line you have been waiting in is for cash only, no credit cards?

Why is it that the parking lot attendant treats you just like the other 2,654 cars that beat you to the parking lot this morning and he makes you park less than three inches from the car next to you? Is it so you can get your clothes muddy while scraping along the sides of the cars?

Why is it that when you get hurt skiing, the ski patrol crew hauling you down on the toboggan tries to set a hill record to get you from the site of the accident to the ambulance?

Why is it that when you go through the singles lift line, you wind up riding in the same chair with (choose one) your ex-husband or ex-wife along?

Why is it that when you take your skis off of the roof of your car and lean them against the side of your car, they always fall over and scratch your car?

Why is it that when the parking lot is black ice, a ninety three pound secretary shuffling along in open, rear entry boots thinks that she can make a three-thousand pound car stop before it hits her?

Why is it that whenever you try and pass an 18-wheel truck on Highway 80 the driver accelerates so he (or she) can cover your windshield with three inches of slush, ice, and sand?

Why is it that the president of the company you work never wears anything to work except a dark suit and a contrasting tie, yet he goes skiing in an outfit that makes him look like the lead clown in the circus parade in San Francisco?

Why is it that when a baseball hat is worn backwards it automatically causes 32% of the brain cells of the guy wearing it to cease functioning?

Why is it that your wife and kids waited for you for half an hour at chair eleven at twelve o’clock and you waited for them at chair twelve at eleven?

Why is it that when the ski lift operators finally let you on the lift at 8:30 with fourteen inches of new powder snow, the entire hill is already tracked up by ski instructors who have been riding the lift and skiing since 7:30?

Why is it that the newscaster on the local cable station looks the same age as the junior high school kid that delivers your newspaper?

Why is it that the website of the ski resort that you didn’t go to this winter always has better snow than the ice you are now skiing on at the place where you bought your season pass?

Have a GREAT New Year! WM

Editor’s Note: This is one in a Tahoetopia series written by Warren Miller, legendary ski cinematographer.